The meetings, the impact
When I made this journal, I made it specifically to document my thoughts and notable moments within the realm of Puzzle Pirates. I told myself that I would not say here that I have another journal (ah, well, I technically have three, but the third's handwritten) because I wanted to be able have a better idea of who's reading the other. Of course, in the light of this post, I suddenly realized that I don't care about keeping that on the lowdown anymore, and I suppose if someone cared enough, and if they were as stalkerish as I can be, they could find my first livejournal. Which, *shrug*, has a lot of things in it...it dates back to nearly the beginning of those wonky teenage years. It even has stuff about Y!PP up until I figured that none of my friends from outside of the game played the game anymore, and hence the desire for a Y!PP-specific journal.

But what happens when it's borderline? This was actually going to go into my first journal. But after thinking about what I wanted to talk about in this entry for just a short moment, I felt that this journal was more appropriate. Lucky you. And perhaps a watered down version will go into the first journal. Or I just might copy this over word-for-word. Whatever.

Shuranthae inspired this post. Right before I started typing this entry (and this entry has been in progress for at least a couple weeks now), he linked me to this site: http://www.sambakza.net/amalloc/tteotta_main.htm
Here, there are five videos that are connected into one story. I watched the first video all the way back in middle school. 6th grade, I think, when my first crush linked me to it. The first video is terribly cute, I highly recommend watching it. And so tonight I watched the four videos that followed and almost cried. There's a not so hidden meaning in it which is intolerance. Racial, sexual orientation, religious, whatever. The story of those videos aren't a reenactment of my life, but it does touch upon something I've been harboring inside of me ever since I took a certain plunge a couple years back. As I consider this "something," it feels dark, a little heavy; something that has upset me greatly at times. Yet I didn't realize that it was actually bothering me until recently, again, triggered by another large personal event. I realize this paragraph is vague, and perhaps I can come back and specify someday. Until then, I've linked this journal to places where explaining this publicly can lead to consequences for me.

That's pretty much the nature of the friendship between Shuranthae and me nowadays. He sends me random links, some which I think are awesome, hilarious, and whatnot, others which are just okay but it's really cute when he's extremely excited. He has good taste in anime though and since I don't keep up on anime world very well myself, his recommendations are very useful to me. I have confided a lot in him at one point and every now and then I'll seek his advice.

And that's what I want to talk about: friendships. I feel like I've talked about this before, but I feel like talking about it again. This game makes up most of my social life, and I feel like I've taken away a lot from it. Which some may consider a sad thing...most of my friends coming from a game? Right. I disagree.

I recently started filling out one of those Note memes that are spreading around my Facebook friends like wildfire right now (the A-Z one). I decided I was too uninterested right now to do it on my own (considering no one actually tagged me, I just generally enjoy that sort of stuff), but I did reach the question about who my best friend was and I answered it with four:

Dekalyn (Jessie), Pjotr (David), Featherfin (Harry), and Kathleen

Not in a particular order except that I mentally had to list Deka and Pj next to each other (for some reason, hum, I wonder why :P). I find it fascinating how I value and adore all four of them so much, yet the nature of my friendship with them are all so different. Kathleen is the only one out of the four I know in real life (the lack of pirate name might make that obvious). Most of my interaction with Deka now occurs over the phone via text message. With Pj, a lot of the connection is in game as well as IM. Featherfin is less of the game and more IM.

Out of the four, I think Featherfin has coaxed me to say the most about myself, from the deep to the embarrassing (followed by Dekalyn). I realize I've said a number of times in the past that I feel like I can tell "so-and-so" anything, and then figure out later on that that's not completely true. So I'll say that I can't think of anything I can't talk about with Finny, not anymore anyway. We've already hit topics that I would and have hesitated talking about with anyone else (Jimmy may be an exception).
Fin was in the crew when I joined and quite frankly was half of the glue that kept me playing the game after the initial excitement of puzzling wore off (the other half was Pj). I remember posting about this in the SO forums; I found my crew quite intimidating when I first joined. But even then, both Fin and Pj were able to make me laugh and both put quite a bit of effort in to make me feel welcome. Fin's downright silly and eccentric nature drew me in and I've always enjoyed talking to him about the most random things to serious things. Yes, I even enjoyed his desire to quote lyrics at me.
Admittedly, as much as I liked him, I didn't feel particularly close to him until the break up of Jimmy and me. He wouldn't have made this list before then, but not because I didn't value him. It was more that I didn't see myself as someone particularly important to him. I think part of that mindset resulted from his disappearances. I was always ecstatic when he reappeared, but his appearances became so uncommon that I figured I couldn't possibly mean much to him if he was out of contact so much. But then on Christmas, he became someone invaluable to me. I believe we clocked in 13 hours straight of chatting after my break up with Jimmy (which was shortly after midnight on the 26th) and then more on days to follow. And quite frankly, I don't think I would have come out of that break as intact as I am without him.

Pj makes me feel quite valuable in the game, which may sound weird. From the time that I've met him, I've held this all around respect for him, admiration even. It's not just a respect for his puzzling skills (which are awesome), but also for the way he carries himself (in chat, on TS, in parley, whatever). I remember thinking when I first started playing, "wow. I want to be as cool as him." Hehe, and I suppose even now I sometimes find myself thinking, "wow, I want to be as cool as him." And it absolutely amazes me when someone says anything negative about him and truly means it. Seriously.
The discussion around this season's OCL Sea Battle that I pasted two entries ago is the one of the most recent examples of what I meant by feeling valuable in the game. Later in the conversation, he asked, "you don't mind me making you work for me, do ya?" The answer to that was and is, of course, no. But after thinking on it, I realize it's a little more than that. I've been recognized for many achievements in this game and many people have complimented me on various things...and I appreciate all of them, really I do. But I'm not sure any of it has made me feel as warm and fuzzy as Pj's comment about OCL, or his request for my aid in a PvP or on a boat he's navigating in a blockade. And yeah, other people have made such requests of me, but this is where my admiration for him ties in and makes his requests different.
*grins* Remember when the noticeboard listed the captain's home island in the pillaging offer and said the crew was based out of that island? I remember realizing how pointless that was and stopped paying attention to it. But on my first day in the game when I looked at that confusing pillaging board for the first time, that's the only thing I could make sense of on that board. And I said, "Eta! That's the island I'm on right now!" (Eta was the island that the Pollywog dumped me on). Then I applied for the job and landed on Pj's sloop, starting three and a half years of piratey craziness and shenanigans for me. Thank you, Shark, captain at the time, for being homed at Eta :P Because otherwise, I might have ended up elsewhere, and even worse: on the receiving end of Pj's guns. :P
Wow. That was a lot of reminiscing. Which makes me want to go back and do more reminiscing (yes, this was written before my history with Fin).

Deka, I feel like I can talk to at almost any time (except when she's busy). That is, I feel like I can call her up in the middle of the night if I really, really needed that. I don't even have a quick way of reaching Pj and Fin, and even though I have her cell phone number, I can't do that with Kathleen.
Dekalyn came into our crew after I did, but she has been around in the game longer than me. We became friends as I got accepted into the group with Deryn and Nattee and many giggly moments were had. Nattee's departure from the crew became the most dramatic and the most emotionally taxing event in the game that I have ever experienced. It was emotionally taxing for Deka, too, and I think that's what pulled us even tighter together even though she actually left the crew for a short while. Heh, part of our bond may have resulted from our frequent phone conversations, but I think what started it were the letters that she wrote me while in Basic. More on that later.
And admittedly, I think another factor was her growing feelings for Pj...I still think I recognized her feelings for him before she did (or if she did recognize them then, she didn't admit to them). I also caught before she did that he appeared to be returning them (then again, denial is something I'm guilty of as well when I'm in her shoes). I think one of the main reasons I saw that was because I secretly harbored my own feelings for him. Heh, it may seem sort of odd that even though I liked Pj, too, I wanted to see them together and happy. I honestly did everything I could to see them together and seeing them together today still makes me very happy.
Once again after thinking about it, it doesn't seem that odd to me. Twice, two close friends offered me a place outside of RM when they left our crew. Twice, I've said no without hesitation. The first time I figured it was a loyalty to my captain at the time (who was Pj). The second time, I was dead sure it wasn't simply a loyalty to my captain; it was a loyalty to Pj, who had been there for me since my first day in the game. And how does this tie in Deka? For someone to agree with me on how awesome he is...she wins in my book. Heh, and also, there was no way I could get tired of her talking about Pj (which is something she worries about). Win-win, right? And then of course, she is the cutest person ever. Completely squishable. :)

Heh, wow, this has turned into quite the rambly entry about Pj (and probably even enlightening for him). No wonder he said I should finish this. :P

This leaves Kathleen, who doesn't really belong in this journal. I will say that she is an absolutely wonderful person that has given and still gives me many, many--countless--cheerful and bright moments to be treasured for a long while. She has given me courage to do things that scare the shit out of me (like writing my resume and applying for a job, and then getting me to show her the resume...you have no idea how much the idea of someone--anyone--looking at that thing scared me...) and I believe she's helped me grow into a better person in a very short amount of time. Yet at the same time, for reasons beyond her control, she is the source of a lot of pain and grief for me. I'm not sure when was the last time I've felt so in need of support from my friends before, but Deka, Finny, and Pj have certainly stepped up to provide it lately. For that, I don't think I could ever thank any of them enough.

From my crew, I've met Chihiro and Shark in person, as well as Deryn. Chi and Shark provided an awesome highlight to an otherwise "meh" military trip to Virginia, and I honestly treasure that day we got to spend together; the trip was 100x better by getting to meet them. Deryn was kind enough to meet me in San Francisco, once again keeping me company on a trip where I was mostly a loner. Unfortunately, the visit to the Three Rings Office didn't work out, but I was happy just to be able to meet her. She was the main reason I became any good at rumble. She was an awesome rumbler; I was terrible. I classified myself as "un-able" when rumble came out because I just couldn't seem to get the hang of it. At some point, I decided that I loved the game even though I was terrible at it and I fought countless matches with Deryn in Slippery Sloops. The first time I beat her...I still remember our reactions to it. I admired her so much that that was a huge milestone for me.

I still talk regularly with Liska and Dmitri even though I rarely see them in game. Both regularly giving me something to chuckle about, and lately extra shoulders to lean on. Sometimes I get to catch up with Nattee...we've been through quite a bit, too. I haven't seen Mr. Giggles (Feegle) in a while but he's influenced my character in game a lot. From introducing me to forum events, to having me involved with the Log Book, to his pillage runs, to his support on Dark Winds...I feel my Y!PP experience would have been very different without him. That reminds me of Allen, who was somewhat of a new officer when I joined. He satisfied my pillaging addiction in the early days, also making me feel like I was worth something. I was one of his gunners. Imagine that. I suck at gunning, but he had me do it all the time. Complimented me on it even. And Kerrawyn, hehe. He had the craziest nicknames for me that would always make me laugh. I treasure those even today. I don't think anyone has topped his nicknames for me. And he was a very valuable swordfighting teacher. I wouldn't be near as good as I am now (which isn't that good, but my short-lived ultimate ranking was impossible without his tutorial).

I remember Sunduchess's words to me before I left for Basic...they gave me strength while I was freaking out right before leaving and even while I was there. Which brings me to another point. I had Y!PP friends write me while I was away in Basic training. Dekalyn sent me the most letters, beaten out only by Jimmy (my boyfriend at the time), and my parents. I received a rather entertaining picture from Sunduchess, and a very cheerful letter from Marline. I treasured that contact so much that I made sure to write a letter to Kerrawyn when he was gone for training.

When our crew joined the Broadsiders, life became a little brighter for day-to-day logging in. Strudel (Alastriona) is someone I adore and has become the flag member I chat the most with. Caramel (Camelama) and Nuemenor have both provided me with much entertainment over /fo. It's like we've acquired an extended family, and the random explosions of crazy /fo chat have made me giggle many times.

For staying with one crew, I have met many wonderful people in many different ways on Midnight. From skellies I have Snazzie, or Supersnailie, who is a wonderful photographer and regularly shares her art with me. Also from skellies came Sundancer, whom I admired for her wonderful artwork on the forums. I've also met her in person in Seattle and had quite the adventure with her after the pirate meet up. I forget exactly how I met Mousebeard, but I do have chat transcripts in this journal of him randomly entering my estate. He's become a valuable CI hearty, as has Daleen...and I forget how we became hearties, too. Daleen allowed me to barter for a spot on one of her CI runs to get one of my less awesome (stat-wise) crew members on. Blackhammer was an interesting one. I received random /tells from him after some stink in parley about bribery in a blockade between our flags. After the thread went up (but before he spoke to me), I made a joke about the situation and him when I drew CT's blockade picture for Xi; the thread was mostly chat transcripts that were posted about the bribery on the main forums that included an exchange with a royal from each of our flags, and as it turns out, those two royals were us. I'm not sure he's aware that I was the BS royal in the transcripts though.

Fannon and Shuranthae were two people I thought I would never be able to consider friends. Again, that was because I viewed them as big names in the game, and me...well, insignificant. I don't remember what got Fannon and me talking; I do remember Fannon got me and Shuranthae talking. Both of us had connections in music; Fannon and I shared a love for a capella and Shuranthae has an odd mix of random stuff but mostly anime stuff that I like, too. He started out sending me music in attempts to freak me out, and once that failed, he simply started sending me music he likes. I remember Fannon once sent me a screenshot of the ult list that was titled something like, "Fannon beats Bis in sails". I remember being really surprised at that...I figured Fannon was better at me than everything.

Oh, how could I not mention Apollo? It's because of him that I've kept my creative flow alive, and the many times I've been privileged to speak with him directly have all been a blast. I believe I wouldn't have had the confidence in pulling off a comic book for my honors thesis without the experience and things I've learned through the Y!PP community surrounding forum events...I could be doing some dreadfully boring research topic right now instead.

I think I've reminisced enough. Obviously, if I wanted to cover everything under this topic, more names would be mentioned, more memories...and this would go on forever. It's the tip of the iceberg...I didn't even touch upon everyone in my crew, let alone all my Y!PP contacts. And of course, my memories fade over time like everyone else's. So I dunno, maybe someday I'll revisit this with another really long entry. Until then, back to studying.